Suffering

4.3.23

Most of all in this life, we don’t want to suffer. We don’t want pain, or interruptions to our plans or anything to come to us that is not on our agendas. We Americans are experts at not accepting anything that creates suffering in us and complaining about the least little thing that comes along that disrupts our agendas. As we look at our lives, the lives of those around us or who are close to us, and to the lives of others in this world, what do we see? Lots of suffering. Just this year in the U.S., along with the poverty that so many folks live in, we see the storms in California that are unheard of—both snow and rain, and as those storms head east, what do we see? Tons of snow being dropped in the northeast and other disruptions along the way. Or recently a deadly tornado in Mississippi. And in the world? We see the ravages of the war in the Ukraine, the horrors of the earthquakes in Syria and Turkey, and so much more. It seems that during our lifetimes, if we look back on the years we’ve been alive, it is hard to avoid the fact that suffering is a part of life. So, who are we to be so averse to suffering?

It is no fun to be suffering, and at times it is really painful. The one huge lesson I have learned in my lifetime is that the more I resist anything that I don’t want in my life—like my husband dying at the age of 60—the more I suffer. If I can just give up my resistance to anything that comes unwanted into my life, then my suffering goes way down. That was certainly true with Hank’s death. His lymphoma had returned just three months after being declared cancer free and it was raging. He was in the hospital and by the afternoon each day I was wishing the day was over and I could just pull the covers over my head and forget that this was happening to him, to me. But the Lord intervened with this suggestion: “If I could just hold all possible outcomes equally, well, then….” I had become pretty good at surrendering to the little interruptions to my life, so after a few days, I was able to surrender to this thought. A few days later, I was given the gift of faith that felt like I was standing on the rock that Jesus talked about (Matthew 7:24).

Hank did pass away two and a half months later, but until then I was able to support him, our adult children, and our friends through this passage, because I felt so supported. After he died, I did grieve so much for my loss, but I was never angry at God for taking him at such a young age or for anything; in me there was just plain grief. Since then it has been pretty easy for me to accept whatever comes, because I know that God is always in it helping me. I am supported, loved, and forgiven by Him. Looking back on my life, I see all the surrenders I have had to make from a red light that stopped me when I was in a hurry to the death of my husband as just what happens to us here on earth; I see them as the 10,000 surrenders we will need to make in our lives.

All those surrenders have brought peace into my life, acceptance of whatever comes and the ability to be present to what is. Being in God’s arms these past 40 years means that so much of my suffering and grief have been healed and I can face whatever comes, because I am not alone—ever.

If we can accept what comes to us whether we welcome it or not, we will have so much more energy to deal with our lives than if we are fighting all that comes. It’s the fight that drains our energy and increases our suffering. Everyone on this earth goes through suffering, even major suffering at times in their lives, so the sooner we deal with each issue at hand, the sooner we are free to tackle it with our creative abilities, rather than resistance, which only drains us. If we are leaning on the Lord, then all this is so much easier. Letting go of our resistance just makes so much sense in the light of His love, support, presence in our lives, and forgiveness, even. Amen.

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Questions to ponder over the week: What in your life has brought you suffering? How did you deal with it? Were you angry and defensive or accepting and figuring out what to do now that it was in your life? If you cannot accept suffering, what would you have to give up in order to really lessen your suffering? How can you honor yourself and still go with what is now?

Blessing for the week: May we be the people of God who accept what comes to us and deal with it as best we can. May we with clarity see what is being asked of us and respond without resistance.

Check out my two websites: patsaidadams.com and deepeningyourfaith.com.

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